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The other day I found a box of cards from another woman under the bed. Very romantic. Talking about true love and spending every Christmas together for the rest of their lives. He's adamant she is just a friend. A year ago he said he'd leave me if we didn't have therapy but at the time he was already seeing her. Not sure what to do. He left in February but said he might take me back. He's still in the family home spending time with me as normal. I've found so much evidence but he won't confess.

If you need more evidence get phone and bank account records.
He is a cake eater. Time to take control. You need to find out if the OW has a husband or partner and let them know. You have proof.
Also, see a lawyer.
More will be along and have better ideas.
I’m so sorry.

So why do you NEED a confession? You may want one (I totally would), But you have all the evidence you need- marriage is not.trial jury where you need to prove something without a doubt and convince a jury. He’s been cheating. He;s gaslighting you and wanted you to go to MC so he could claim he did everything he could for your M (except stop seeing his AP).

And why should he confess? What happens if he doesn’t? Nothing, it appears. He gets to have you and his AP if he doesn’t confess, so why confess to anything?

And he left the house. Does that not tell you enough?

I am so sorry you are going through this. But I think you need to consider him gone and start taking care of yourself.
See a lawyer or three. Get yourself in IC. Get STD testing.

And start detaching from him. You can’t R if he is already checked out, my friend. It is so hurtful I know. But you can get through this. You deserve better.

Thank you for the replies. I know you're right but part of me really needs to know how long this has been going on for. He's put me and our son through he'll with his moods this year and part of me feels I deserve answers.

I’m so sorry you’ve been placed in this position and you’re right, you do deserve answers. Nobody deserves to be cheated on or lied to or any of the other terrible behaviors that come with being betrayed. You deserved way more than he’s given you but unfortunately you can’t make him give you the truth. There are things you can do to encourage it but in the end, as cruddy as it is, he still is in control of what he discloses.

My advice, for what it’s worth, is to control what you can which is what you choose to do right now. You can set strong boundaries to protect yourself from further lies and betrayal, you can tell him what you need from him specifically, and lay out what will happen if he’s unwilling to do those things. This is so incredibly hard with all the emotions you’re feeling so take your time. And keep posting here. It helps to have a place to share and to get advice from those who’ve been there.