StillLivin (original poster member #40229) posted at 10:25 PM on Wednesday, February 11th, 2026
Just a question to those who married someone with a personality disorder.
I didn't live with my ex first. I distinctly remember an argument with Xhole where I told him that if I'd known half of the stuff I found out after living with him, and if he'd done half of the shitty stuff he ended up doing after marriage, I never would have married him.
So, the question to those like me who married a covert NPD, or other personality disorder, if you had lived with them for at least a year, do you think you still would have married them? How long after moving in together did it take you to ask yourself, "WTF did I get myself into?"
[This message edited by StillLivin at 10:26 PM, Wednesday, February 11th]
"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB: 7/2/2014
Superesse ( member #60731) posted at 11:35 PM on Wednesday, February 11th, 2026
Hahahaha, Great Question! I was so sure it was better to not do a living together arrangement, based on actual demographic statistics that showed much higher divorce rates for couples who had started out living together before marrying.
But how long would it have taken me to ask your question? In a matter of weeks, not months, I was finding myself regularly trying to understand his complete lack of consideration in matters of daily life that involved our shared space. I even mentioned it to my Father, who just laughed it off as due to my marrying a long-time bachelor in his late 30's. How I wanted to believe that....
cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 3:02 PM on Thursday, February 12th, 2026
My H doesn't have a personality disorder, so I can't speak to that aspect. We did live together for a little over a year before getting married. The only red flag I can remember during that time was that he was what I called a Yes man. He never spoke up, expressed any needs, wants, or preferences. I actuallytalked to my dad about that before we got married. It annoyed me because I'm a very outspoken, opinionated person. Our first big argument was about picking a wedding venue. I got so angry that he wouldn't tell me his opinion. He left everything up to me.
This behavior didn't register with me as pathological at the time. Now, I know it was part of his avoidant attachment style, which kept him frozen in fear of not being liked to the point that he suppressed everything.
