SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am content for the most part, probably enjoy being alone too much. Love my full time job.

What I am having the most difficulty with and it still makes me angry after my 2017 divorce, after 35 years married, is aging alone. I have wonderful local friends and three great adult children who are not local, but not having that one person to be there if I become ill and unable to make that emergency call, or the one person who will stay at the hospital for days on end, be a second set of ears if I get a terrible diagnosis and shut down while the Dr is still talking.
I committed to aging together and didnt have a choice in aging alone.
These are the things I think about at 67 years old....alone.

Hi,
I deal with it because it's all I have. I have never actually moved out of home or have had roommates. I've never lived with a romantic partner. I have been living alone ever since my parents passed away from each of their health problems at older age. At first I admit I felt relief at not having to be the full-time caretaker anymore. I missed my parents but also needed a break. After that, I spent many years grieving losses, my parents but also grieving the life I never got to have. I grieved the lost opportunity to get married while my father was still alive and anke to walk me down the aisle. He was there for my younger brother's wedding but was never there for mine because I never married. I aleo greatly mourned the lost opportunity at motherhood, kids, and pregnancy. It was hard to face these losses all alone. But I had no other option. So I made do. In the beginning I focused a lot on jogging, swimming at the gym pool, dance music, and tv shows. Now it's all I know, living alone that is, and now that I'm post menopausal, I actually have learned to appreciate my alone time and not having to cater to others.

I am 7 years out too JSG - you and I started here pretty close together if I remember correctly.

I am like you - I haven't dated since and I am 95% content alone. I am also an introvert and really need my alone time to feel okay, so it works for me. Life hasn't been smooth sailing by any stretch, but even when I have had struggles I am so grateful to be handling them alone without the extra added stress of dealing with my xwh's ridiculousness.

I don't necessarily want to be single forever, but i refuse to settle for anything that doesn't add to my peace and happiness. I am on a strict no-bullshit diet these days

I'm so inspired by your stories. It takes incredible courage to move past the daily struggles, and I hope to one day be on that same journey to freedom.

My situation is different than most of you in that I have 5 day a week contact, as we work together. It's been 7 years, and I've not dated. He on the other hand has gone through a lengthy list of unsuitable women trying to fill the void left by his actions. His latest one is a testimony to the women available to him. The dating pool is shallow for men like him. Women his own age avoid him, his red flags attract women he never would have dated when he was younger. Now his $600 hair care products for his receding hairline, the wrinkle creams for his skin, his diabetes and his charm have all faded in older age. His avoidant, narcissistic red flags are showing.

Long story short, I need the income as the amount I make is not replaceable financially elsewhere so if I like eating I need to continue to work in the same business with him that we used to both own. I'm keeping a roof over my head, and have all 3 of our young adult kids still living at home, with my daughters BF. My adult son from another relationship 42 got out of prison and after a decade plus is no longer on drugs and is staying with me. His sobriety depends on a stable situation and he's doing well.

When you've been a SAHM for 15 years, and quit working to have children and further his career in a decades long unmarried relationship no one warns you that if it fails, you are on the short end of the stick for Social Security. All years you didn't work equal ZERO income as part of the 35 year calculation.

Somedays it feels like I'm content to be alone, then another woman of his comes into my view and I'm ruminating, and spiraling on and off. He has a tendency to want to hire his new playmates. I also see all his purchases on those women as he puts it through his business, and it's like pouring salt into a wound. It reminds me I wasted almost 27 years of my life with him. I'm not young anymore, so it hits different. Time is not on my side and at times it does make me feel cheated out of the life I deserved.

I do find peace in the lack of chaos when he's not part of the equation. I love not answering to anyone, not living in his shadow, and walking on eggshells to not incur his wrath. I love ignoring his phone calls or hanging up on him when he's rude. I'm doing things I never would have done while with him. I'm planning to get a tattoo at 62. I now cut my hair anyway I want. I am now comfortable going to a restaurant by myself. I've grown but I feel I still have a lot of healing left to do.

Peace looks different to everyone. I'll settle for the happiness that comes from depending on myself, and knowing I won't let myself down. In time I will make an entirely separate life for myself and when that time comes I won't need to have any contact with him anymore.

If tomorrow I met someone and they were amazing I'd be their forever person and never look back. If that doesn't happen, then I'll have my Pugs, my family and my sanity.